How to Be A Genuine Ally During Pride Month (and Always!)

15 Steps to show up Authentically and Effectively for the LGBTQ+ Community.

Angelina M. Valdespino, LCSW

6/2/20246 min read

So, you want to be a good ally to the LGBTQ+ community. That’s awesome! Being a solid ally is more than just slapping a rainbow filter on your profile picture in June and posting "Happy Pride." It’s about showing up, being real, staying informed, and growing alongside your LGBTQ+ friends and loved ones. But how does one be the ally the LGBTQ+ community deserves, during Pride Month and beyond? Let's dive into our 15 steps to becoming an authentic and effective ally during Pride Month—and Always.

Step 1
Listen!: First things first, park your assumptions at the door. Every LGBTQ+ person has a unique story and experience. Listen to their stories, and look for opportunities to hear stories you hadn't heard before. You’ll be amazed at what you don’t know (and that’s okay!).

Step 2
Challenge Your Own Biases: This one’s tough but essential. We all have ingrained biases that we need to confront. Reflect on your attitudes and beliefs about the LGBTQ+ community. Be honest with yourself and work on changing those biases. It’s not a one-and-done deal; it’s a continuous process.

Step 3
Stay Curious: Take time to explore LGBTQ+ history, lived experiences, and other queer topics yourself. Do personal research, reflect on your questions and insights, and don't hesitate to ask questions. Everyone in the LGBTQ+ community has navigated their own learning and growth. journey Embrace the diversity of ideas and experiences—it leads to mutual acceptance and support.

Step 4
Have the Tough Conservations: Sometimes, being an ally means being a sounding board or lending a shoulder for your LGBTQ+ friends and loved ones to cry on. Be available for those tough conversations about discrimination, identity, and acceptance. Your empathy and understanding can make a world of difference.

Step 5
Reflect on Queer Challenges: Take time to think about the challenges that LGBTQ+ people face, and consider how you can offer meaningful support and understanding. Understanding their experiences can strengthen your role as an ally.

Step 6
Recognize and Honor Intersectionalities: Acknowledge that LGBTQ+ individuals' identities intersect with other aspects of their identity, such as race, religion, and socioeconomic status. Being an effective ally involves understanding these intersections and elevating all facets of identity.

Step 7
Watch Queer Film and Documentaries: Media plays a crucial role in portraying diverse LGBTQ+ experiences, challenges, and triumphs. Discover LGBTQ-themed films that delve into identities, cultures, and relationships. They not only educate viewers but also foster empathy and understanding, helping to challenge stereotypes and amplify marginalized voices within the community. Explore the links below for some of history's most-watched films:

Step 8
Read Queer Writers and Authors: Reading works by queer authors offers unique insights into diverse perspectives, experiences, and identities within the LGBTQ+ community. It's a powerful way to deepen understanding, empathy, and appreciation for queer literature's rich contributions to storytelling and cultural discourse. Some of my personal favorites are Gloria E. Anzaldúa, Audre Lorde, Roxanne Gay, Christopher Isherwood, Julian Delgado Lopera, Malinda Lo, Aiden Thomas, Essex Hemphill, Daniel Zomperelli, Juno Dawson, George M. Johnson, and Gabby Rivera. Here are a few lists for you to explore:

Step 9
Support Queer Businesses and Creators: Money talks, right? Support businesses, artists, and creators within the LGBTQ+ community. It’s not just about buying products or services; it’s about valuing their contributions and boosting their visibility. Plus, who doesn’t love unique art or a new favorite restaurant? A few of our fave local businesses offering safe and inclusive spaces here in Las Cruces are Salud! de Mesilla, The Bean on Mesquite, The Hissin' Kittin, and Carol Basserman,

Visit New Mexico OUT Business Alliance—The chamber of commerce for New Mexico's LGBTQ+ community to learn about how our state is working to support queer business owners.

Step 10
Take Advantage of Opportunities to Help: Speak out against discrimination and injustice. If you overhear or witness rude, insensitive, or abrasive interactions with an LGBTQ+ person, take the potential ally aside later for a hallway (or online) chat to explain how their words might come across. Approaching the conversation privately and with kindness, especially the first time, can help affirm the person and encourage them to reconsider their approach in the future. Our world can no longer hold space for homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia.

Step 11
Be an Advocate, Activist, or Both: It’s easy to stay quiet, but your silence can be deafening. Whether it’s a casual joke or outright discrimination, use your voice to call it out. It might be uncomfortable, but hey, growth happens outside your comfort zone. Advocate at the local, regional, and state levels for inclusive spaces and policies that address diverse needs. Join local LGBTQ organizations, attend events, and participate in marches. You don’t have to be on the front lines, but showing up and supporting matters. Plus, you’ll meet some pretty awesome people along the way. Activism isn’t just for the hardcore advocates. Here are some of New Mexico's LGBTQ+ resources:


Find and share local resources in your area.

Step 12
Stay Informed: Instead of thinking you know it all, ask questions, listen, and learn. Keep up with the ever-evolving terms and preferences of the LGBTQ+ community. For starters, it's important to know that pronouns really do matter. Misgendering someone can be incredibly hurtful, even if it’s unintentional. Take the time to learn and respect people's pronouns. If you’re unsure, just ask. It’s a small effort that makes a big difference. We often refrain from talking about queer topics because we're afraid of saying the wrong thing. Staying informed will help you find the language and meaning necessary to engage positively. Here's a great place for a simple start: Human Rights Campaign: Glossary of Terms.

Step 13
Avoid Performative Allyship: It’s easy to fall into the trap of performative allyship – doing things just to be seen as supportive. Genuine allyship is about meaningful actions, not just gestures. Think quality over quantity. It’s better to do a few impactful things than a bunch of superficial ones.

Step 14
Don't Overshadow Queer Voices: When supporting the LGBTQ+ community, it's crucial not to overshadow queer voices. Amplify their stories and perspectives instead of speaking over them, ensuring their experiences and insights are heard and respected. Step back when needed and use your platform to elevate their voices, contributing to a more inclusive and authentic dialogue. By doing so, you help create a space where LGBTQ+ individuals can share their narratives and lead the conversation about their own lives and issues.

Step 15
Celebrate!: Last but absolutely not least, celebrate with your queer friends and loved ones. There’s a reason we celebrate Pride Month in June—it commemorates the Stonewall Riots of 1969, which were a pivotal moment in the fight for LGBTQ rights. While we’ve come a long way, there’s still much work to be done. But it's important to take the time to celebrate and enjoy the vibrant fashions, cultures, and expressions within the LGBTQ+ community, both locally and globally. It’s all about connecting the local with the global and embracing the diversity around us. But don’t let your allyship fizzle out after June. Keep the momentum going. Stay involved, keep learning, and continue supporting the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a lifelong journey and we're all exploring together. Information about Pride events and celebrations in New Mexico can be found here:

Being a good ally is about authenticity, commitment, and constant growth. So, roll up your sleeves, get involved, and let’s make the world a more inclusive place together. Happy Pride! 🌈

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